So recently my life has been a mix of complications. There has literally been complication after complication and as emo as it sounds, it's all been bringing me down. My favorite holiday, Christmas, is just around the corner and not even that can put a smile on my face. Okay well maybe it puts a small grin on my face, it is Christmas after all. Anyways so I was wondering what I could do to make me feel a bit better and behold, an idea popped into my head. That idea was to head to the one man that could maybe actually help. Yes ladies and gents, I decided to head to church. Now church and I haven't been friends in awhile. Not only church but the big man himself. I haven't prayed in awhile and haven't stepped foot in a church in about a few years too. So even thought I tried everything to help me feel a bit cheerier, nothing helped. So I thought what could going to church hurt? I called up my Godmother who attends church every Sunday, and asked her if she would mind if I tagged along with her. Of course the excitement along with the surprise in her voice was enough to make me wonder if the woman was experiencing a miracle. I mean it's not like I was the anti-Christ for crying out loud. Anyways so she agreed to let me tag along. So then came the actual Sunday and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. She picked me and my mom up along, lets face it, my mother needed church more than I did. So she picked us both up and we all headed to church together. It seemed as soon as we headed inside people were staring at me from head to toe. Maybe it was the amazing outfit I was wearing or maybe it was just the fact that they hadn't seen me in years. After all I did used to attend church every Sunday and even sing in the choir. So it wasn't until a few minutes after the horrified glares that people started to approach me. There were a few squeals and a lot of gasps. "Oh my is that Sandra"? "Darling how are you"? "How have you been it's been forever"? It seems that almost everyone recognized me, despite the double takes. I must of hugged hundreds of people, some I remembered and some I pretended to. I even recognized a girl who I used to be great friends with. Her and her mother decided that they would sit with us during the service. I didn't object seeing as how I was in church and if I started to act up, I might just get a bucket of holy water dumped on me. So once all the hugs were exchanged and the smiles faded, my mother and my godmother headed inside for the service. Once we were inside and the service started, I recognized a certain pastor. She helped me when I was going through a tough time when I was younger. I was so excited to see her and after the service I decided to say hello. At first she didn't recognized me then after a couple of seconds passed a huge grin spread across her face. She pulled me in for a tight hug and smiled even wider. She asked me how I was and what I was doing. The question stunned me because even though I had a good job and was going to a good school, I was almost sad. I had seen many people accomplish the things they set out to do and were extremely happy doing it but was I? I told her where I was going to school and where I was working and she smiled.
"I'm so happy to hear that Sandra" she said
There was once a time in my life when things weren't so good and I was going through a lot of crap and she helped me though it. So why was I lying to her and telling her things were okay when they weren't? I decided that it was the time to get into specifics with her but that I would tell her privately when we had the time. She pulled me in for another hug and smiled once again. I brushed through a couple more people who smiled at me and waved. Some I knew and some who looked like complete strangers. Things had changed so much since the last time I stepped foot into this church. I looked around at the girls and boys who looked like they were about my age. They were all laughing and smiling in a huge group. I couldn't help but feel an empty feeling inside. Maybe if I had stuck with going to church every Sunday and attended Sunday school, I would have turned out differently. Maybe if I had continued having little sessions with pastor B, I wouldn't be the person I am now. In a way I feel as though I missed out. I can't change the past but I do have an impact on my future I thought. There is nothing wrong with the person I've become and to be honest, I'm proud of the person I've become. I'm a strong, wise and funny person and I wouldn't change a thing. Yes, there may be a few things I wish I could have changed but then I wouldn't have learned from my mistakes. Therefore I wouldn't have become the person I am today and I'm happy of that person, nobody's perfect. My godmother had told me about an old friend's husband who had developed Parkinson's Disease awhile back. When I saw him standing right then and there in the middle of the room my heart just dropped. He didn't look like the man I used to know. He looked very tired and frail. I immediately got up and made my way over towards him. He recognized me and gave his hand out to shake. Instead I pulled him in for a hug. His back was all wet from sweat and I could feel him as he shook. I whipped a tear away from my eye, that's the last thing I wanted him to see. Right then and there I realized something. There were other people who had it way worse than I did and here I am complaining about my life. After I was done catching up with him it was time to go. I had talked to so many people and gave out so many hugs. At the end of the day despite all the smiling, I felt a bit better. I felt as though anything was possible, I guess that's the advantage when you go to church, you feel as though a miracle could happen right before your eyes. Getting in touch with old friends and listing to a beautiful service was just what I needed, who would have thought?
-Andy :)
No comments:
Post a Comment